we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
