my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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