Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my poor anus
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize