You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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