it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
