I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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