woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
