Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
