I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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