I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
