can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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