OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
