Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
