And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize