I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
