Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
