How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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