I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
