According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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