Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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