Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
