Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
