ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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