Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
