I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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