Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize