Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
