Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
