Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize