You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
