If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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