soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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