Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
