pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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