How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
