I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
