I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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