Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
