he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
