dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
