watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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