Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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