I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
