do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
