well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
