theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
