we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize