My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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