bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
