Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
