I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bring money and cleavage
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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