haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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