'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
COCAINE IS GR8
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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