brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
