no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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