Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
