you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
