And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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