i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
