shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
