Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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