I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
