Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
