It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
