I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
