i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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