Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
