woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
