your parents love me but you hate me
I'm going to jail i love you
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
