a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
