you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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