I murdered the dance floor call the cops
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
