well you can't waste a boner
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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