how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
