So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
