She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
