i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
