Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize