Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
