if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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