how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
