just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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