I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize