Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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