Can Purell be used as lube?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
