i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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