1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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