My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize