If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
