ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
