yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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