Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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