you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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