i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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