hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
high people should be assigned attendants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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