Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize