OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
