chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
