Someone shit on the floor
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
vagina is talking i cant
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would fuck him just for his dog
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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